


Kissing Tears

by holisticgaymess (ThisSimp1eFee1ing)



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: CURRENTLY REWRITTING THIS FIC AS I AM NOT HAPPY WITH IT, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisSimp1eFee1ing/pseuds/holisticgaymess
Summary: It is yet another Tuesday, Farah had gone out on patrol as Todd and Dirk stayed in, in order to complete all of the paper work. They were well over two hours into it when Todd noticed the great absence of Dirk sitting in his desk. He finds Dirk on his own, sad and looking lost and it falls onto his hands to pick-up the pieces of a man Blackwing had broken.





	Kissing Tears

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of self-harm in here, if this is something that triggers you do not read. stay safe <3.  
> Unbeta-ed.

It is yet another Tuesday, Farah had gone out on patrol as Todd and Dirk stayed in, in order to complete all of the paper work. They were well over two hours into it when Todd noticed the great absence of Dirk sitting in his desk. 

With a sigh, Todd pushes himself away from the desk and calls "Dirk!" He shakes his head, predicting that the man's sudden disappearance had something to do with the fact that he wasn't really 'digging' the whole paper work filling thing. 

"Dirk come on! It's faster if both of us do it!" Todd calls out, walking around the white panelled office. He checks the small kitchen and the row of waiting seats in the lobby, he checks the entrance and the back, only to find Dirk sitting very still on the break room's couch. His forearms piled on his knees and his head hanging low, the silky strands of auburn hair falling in disarray. 

"Dirk!" Todd calls, kneeling before him, he slowly tears his eyes away from the finger that fiddled with some strange object and looks ahead. He can see it now, the lost expression in Dirk's red stringed eyes which poured wet tear tracks, his lips are pouting and his breathing is erratic. 

Todd had never seen Dirk cry before, yes in Montana Dirk did look as if he was about to, but that didn't really count, what stunned him the most (other than the glow of white in his ocean blue eyes) was what an emotional stumble this breakdown was, especially since it came from such a happy-looking-sort-of-man. So yes this was a whole new thing, a whole new level. 

Dirk's body looks as if it craves to be touched, his hands look as if they were about to reach for his, however having then decided not to after having determined it to be against their better judgement, and that this would only scare him away.

Todd, who despite being a semi-social creature, did not know much about being comforting for someone, he flew on autopilot instead and placed his hands over Dirk's cold hand. 

The man immediately jackknifes away as though he had been burned, his hand shoots to his chest and remains there while a very lost Dirk - his lips are parted and his eyes are wide - evaluated the situation. The big dark blue orbs of confusion and fear eye Todd's extended hand and a beat later Dirk slides his hand into the older man's. 

In synchrony they look at their joined hands and then at each other in the eye. 

"What happened Dirk?" He asked, his voice soft as he ran his thumb on the back of his hand, attempting to sooth him with that action somehow. 

"You won't like it." He warns, his voice broken and his tone was self flagellating and that is when Todd notices what Dirk's fingers had unfolded to show: a Swiss army knife. 

Todd takes it in his hand and shows confusion in his expression, he slid the blade open, seeing the remains of blood along the blade's sharp edge. Then putting it aside in favour of testing his theory. 

With a sigh - and wary in his head - he asks: "Can I see your wrists? It's okay, Dirk." Feeling a great need to comb the fallen strands of hair away from the man's blue eyes, but settling for not doing so. Not with him in this state.

This knife, it looks strangely familiar... like the one Dirk had brought to the gunfight. He feels the cool red acrylic in his fingers, before sliding it back into his pocket 

The hand he held previously, slipped its way away from Todd's fingers and moves to the pale blue button-up's cuffs, slowly rolling them back to reveal the lines of carved skin on his left arm. He examines the scars, noticing first the ones that looked the most recent, the blood coursing through the tears of skin and then those that already healed but still had crust of dry blood covering them – those made him worry because it seemed that it hadn't been Dirk's first time carving his skin – and the ones that time had healed but not properly; where the skin was dishevelled on a straight thin line that had previously been a cut.

Dirk does not dare to look up, as if he be told off, but Todd does nothing, doesn't smile but doesn't fuss either. The room is so quiet that he can actually hear the man's hands abandon the sleeves in favour of Todd's hand – and he was pleasantly surprised, but not in any way hopeful, that Dirk had chosen to hold his hand again. Mainly because he had this repressed school-girl-crush on the guy.

"I'm sorry you had to see th-." Dirk says after a long silent moment.

"Don't worry about it, man." Todd interrupts, not letting Dirk continue down that train of thought for a second more. He stands and still with Dirk's hand in his, sits by his right side, their shoulders pressed together from this place he could smell the cologne he always wore. "Hey Dirk,"

"Hmph?" He hums, eyes till locked on both their hands resting on Dirk's thigh.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Todd asks, looking at him and awaiting a response from this man. He does not look as radiant as his usual self, his face is red and glowing with tears and drool. His shoulders slumped forward and his hair is dishevelled instead of combed and neatly parted to the right, fallen strands of auburn hair dangle before his eyes and Todd who no long resists the urge moves his free hand to comb the hair back into its place.

He shakes his head no,he rubs his eyes off the tears and places his head on Todd's shoulder. The position must certainly be uncomfortable for a man so tall leaning against a small man, and will must certainly hurt his neck, but Dirk seems not to care. He only smiles and switches hands so that he could wrap his arm around the Dirk's lower ribs, the top of his head is at mouth level and Todd takes that opportunity to press a kiss into his hair – did it smell like strawberry shampoo from the children section down in the pharmacy? Yeah, maybe. But Todd doesn't really care that much.

The British man still shook in his arms but he had the start of a consolate smile on his lips. He had never had Dirk's face this close to his own, would it be wrong to kiss him? Because he was dying to.

"Todd," Dirk calls, somehow he was now fully sitting on his lap, he moves his arm so that it sits on his lower waist, stroking his fingers over the soft material of his pale blue shirt. Their faces are so close that he can feel the other man's warm breath on his skin and as the crimson red colour begins to taint Dirk's cheeks, Todd is sure that Dirk work to the compromising situation they are in. "Todd are we going to-"

"If you want to..." He replies with shrug, like it wouldn't mean the world to him.

"I wouldn't know how to..." He mumbles, as the embarrassment on his face increases "They didn't exactly let me keep friends back then, much less a boyfriend."

Todd runs his hand over Dirk's sides and as he straightens to a better position for kissing. "Look just do what feels natural."

He leans in and Dirk meets him half way in a weird but nonetheless perfect kiss. His hands are on Todd's shoulders and Todd finds himself pleasantly surprised with Dirk's kissing abilities, because for someone who was just having their first kiss, the British man was very good – could it be that he was using his innate connection with the fabric of reality to help him? Was he besides from a holistic detective a holistic kisser?

Todd was so caught up in the kiss that he didn't even hear Farah enter nor anyone else – because the universe just wanted for the Rowdy 3 to drop by along with Amanda on the exact same day, hour and minute that he happened to be kissing Dirk.

"Finally!" He hears Amanda's voice, to his dismay. Dirk's cheeks make him look like he's about to be set on fire and even his own are burning.

"Amanda!" He yells surprised.

"You're going to tell me everything that happened." She jabs her finger on his chest yet she smiles, because for the past couple of months she had been the one he had come to to talk about his massive crush on Dirk.

The protective instinct in Todd kicks in and he tightens his grip around Dirk's waist, squeezes his hand and nuzzles their foreheads together. "Look, it was just that Dirk was a bit sad. But we'll talk about it later, sis." The next thing he notices, he has the whole gang with his arms around them, in a group hug. First Farah embraced them and Amanda followed, and then the Rowdy 3 after their leader.

Dirk has now a pleased smile and his eyes have their glow back on. He bows his head and hooks his arms – one around Farah's shoulders and the other still on Todd's. 

He thinks that in all truth-ness there's not much that the company of good friends won't fix.


End file.
